How I Run Parent-Teacher Conferences
The parent-teacher conference can be stressful for all involved. But, a well-prepared teacher can make all the difference.
The Parent-Teacher Conference can be stressful for everyone. As a Teacher, even if you know that the conference is for a student who is doing “off the charts” type work, meeting parents for the first time can be nerve-wracking. And, if the child isn’t performing up to expectations, the anticipation of a face to face meeting can most definitely overwhelm.
On the flip side, parents are equally as nervous—if not more so—as there is nothing more unsettling than the anticipation of hearing how your kid is doing in the outside world. School is the first time that parents relinquish the minute to minute control and trust a Teacher to not only teach their child, but to make sure that they are ok.
So, yeah, the conference is important.
But, that doesn't mean it is entirely complicated.
First and foremost, a successful conference begins and ends with one quality; you must know your students. Anyone can read off test scores or averages for a marking period. Actually, that isn’t even all that relevant any more as parents, for better or worse, have access to their child’s grades 24 hours a day and seven days a week.
It goes deeper than grades. What do you know about their child? What’s their personality? What do they do well? Did they say something in class that was funny and/or brilliant? Those are the conversations that should drive conferences. Parents want to know that their child is more than a number to you and that their child is genuinely valued and cared for in school.
A successful conference starts with a teacher telling the parents all of the positive things about their child. Even if there are some difficult conversations to be hand in mere moments, framing the conversation with positive characteristics about their child will put parents at ease right away and make them much more receptive to talk about the things that their child needs to work on.
That last statement was framed that way on purpose. It is easy for a teacher to just tell the parent what the child is missing or isn’t doing well. It is easy to cite test data and hide behind the concept that the child is failing to meet expectations. While this could all be true, it, to be blunt, comes off as complaining and makes the teacher look weak.
A conference, more or less, looks like this for me.
“Hi, it’s nice to see you. Thank you for coming in. (Blank) is a great kid. The other day he said “Insert quote” in class. It was so funny.”
Usually, the parent will smile and perhaps add a little something about their child. If the student didn't say anything funny, talk about an interaction you had with them that highlights one of their personality traits.
The reason for this start is simple; we want to show parents that we know their child. The child is more than a number to us.
After that little introduction, it is time to highlight the student’s strengths. “(Blank) is so creative and really good at (name the skills).” Again, this is to show parents that you know their child, but it is a little more than that. We have to give parents some hope. We see the good in their child and they will, in the end, have a chance to be successful.
It is at this point of the conference where most go sideways. This is the time where deficiencies are discussed. Some teachers just say things like, “He doesn’t give enough detail in his writing.” Or, “He doesn't write with compete sentences.” “He’s failing the class because he isn’t preparing well enough for class.”
Or, here’s the worst one.
“He needs to do more at home.”
The former comes off as just complaining. The latter comes off as dumping the responsibility of educating the child on the parents.
To be clear, all of the above things have to be said during a conference, no matter how difficult it may be. It isn’t about sugar coating or releasing responsibility from the student.
It’s all about reframing that message with using your expertise as an educated, trained Teacher. You have to present a plan to parents.
“I am going to sit with him during class tomorrow and work on backing up his ideas with more evidence. That is something we will work on.”
“I am going to sit with him during lunch or class and work on writing complete sentences.”
“I am going to sit with him during lunch (or during class, after school ) and show him some ways to prepare for class.”
Those three quotes give the same information about deficiencies, but give parents a plan that will give them confidence and hope, as well as, the message that you, the expert, will help their child. If we don’t frame our message as a plan, we give the impression that we don’t know what we are doing and, more importantly, that we don’t care.
We must have a plan and clearly communicate it to the parents.
Finally, finish with a question to the parents. This allows for them to lend their expertise of their child. My question is always, “Do you have any advice for me?”
After all, they are raising that child. Why not tap into that expertise? Most of the time, you will get valuable insight into the student, both as a person and a learner. This not only gives you that insight, but it builds a team. While I don’t expect a parent to teach curriculum or be on top of their child about their classwork, I do want parents to know that we are on the same side and we both want the same thing.
That’s really all it takes for a positive parent-teacher conference. Start with showing that you know their child. Then, talk about the positives that the child brings to the classroom. Finally, present a plan to address the deficiencies. A positive conference will not only help develop the home-school connection, but it will lead to more buy-in from all three stakeholders: the student, the family, and the teacher.
And, one last thing…take your time with each conference. Some older teachers will make fun of your long line of waiting parents. Pay no attention to that. Spend as much time as you can discussing that parent’s child. In that moment, it is all that you should care about. Waiting parents will appreciate that same care.
That’s the goal: to show that we care and that their child is with someone who will teach them.