Handling the Mishandle

Even a veteran teacher can mishandle seemingly innocuous happenings in the classroom.

I never want this space to come off like I know all the answers and always have the perfect day. No Teacher ever has that. Sure, after a few years in the classroom, you tend to find your way, but there are always challenges and always times when even the most caring veteran teachers don’t do things perfectly.

This is one of my stories.

It’s from last week.

Yes, I reacted so poorly to a minor situation. I share this to show those who are newer in the profession that they are not alone, that there will always be situations you handle wrong, and that there is always a way to rebound from a mistake.

Our single most important aspect to our job is our relationship with kids. No matter what, kids have to know that we respect them, we have expectations for them, and that we care about them. Last week, I reacted in a way that countered all of that.

It was last Tuesday morning. I wasn’t feeling great; it turned out that a cold was coming on. I was tired. It was first period which starts at 7:20 AM. None of that is an excuse. People work and must be effective when they aren’t 100 percent.

I teach an Advanced Placement class during that period so they were busy working on their outlines for their research paper. The class started with me giving a mini lesson on the outline’s format and purpose. I told them that I would be around to help as they worked.

If I am being honest, the lesson lacked energy and my usual Ted Lasso-like enthusiasm. But, it got the job done, especially with this group of great, motivated kids.

About half way through the period, one young lady asked to go to the bathroom. I never say no and wish kids didn't have to ask that anyway. I thought nothing of it.

A few minutes later, her work partner asked if she could go get breakfast. That was another automatic yes. Teenagers need to eat and our school provides them with breakfast and lunch. Kids ask all the time.

The class period moves on and I am walking around helping kids, troubleshooting issues; it’s the normal routine. I don’t realize that 15 minutes went by and the two young ladies are still out of the classroom.

Then, a security guard appears at my door.

“No wonder you two are roaming the halls; you have a sub.”

Evidently, the guard didn't see me up front.

“No, I am here. What happened?”

The security guard gives me a look and says, “they’ve been roaming the halls for 20 minutes and gave me an attitude. When did you send them out?”

I can’t lie. I didn't like how the security guard spoke to me. I was angry. I was embarrassed.

I took it out on the two kids.

Yes, Mr. “Do what’s best for kids” raised his voice at two kids in front of the class and security guard.

I cringe just thinking about that whole scene.

“What were you guys doing? Why would you do that?”

Each time they tried to explain, I cut them off.

I felt embarrassed so I embarrassed them.

Now, I am not saying what they did was alright at all. Leaving class and roaming the hallways no matter what the excuse cannot happen. It cannot be tolerated.

Equally intolerable was my behavior. Instead of speaking to them privately and allowing them a chance to explain themselves, I publicly embarrassed them. The 28 other students were watching; the two felt small in front of their peers. I did that. I don’t make a habit out it. I pride myself on the idea that I am pro-kid, that I will always listen, and that I will never embarrass a kid.

I did that last week. In year 28.

I look back at my earlier years of teaching and I am grateful I am not that young, hotheaded kid who dealt with issues in the classroom by yelling. I didn't know better then and didn’t know of any other way; I needed to learn. And, I have. Thankfully, I didn't yell at them. But, equally degrading, I didn't give them a chance to explain.

The two kids looked at me, almost helpless and disappointed. Looking back, I wish they were mad. Instead, they looked crushed that I didn't allow them to explain. They walked out of class with their head’s down.

I left for the next period class still heated. I walked into my period two classroom and another student gave me a look.

“Damn, Armida, you look heated.”

“I am, but I’ll get over it.”

“What happened?”

It was that question that hit me. As I started to think about why I got so mad, I realized that I was mad because of how I reacted. I was embarrassed by the security guard and I took them roaming the hallway personal.

Rule number one of student misbehavior: it is never personal.

I spent the rest of the day and night figuring out how I could proceed. I could ignore it because they were, indeed, clearly wrong for roaming the hallway. I could just move on and not acknowledge it and our interaction. I could also assert my “authority” and hide behind the fact that I am the Teacher and they were students who did something wrong.

I did none of that. Finally, I got back to my senses.

All kids—even the advanced placement kids—make mistakes. That doesn't mean we don’t have consequences. But, it also doesn't mean that they don’t get to have their dignity.

I decided to make it right. The next day, they both walked in, avoiding making eye contact with me. I felt terrible. So, I approached their desks. The class got silent. They looked up with a face that said, “now what?”

“I’m sorry for not letting you both explain yesterday. That never should’ve happened and I own that. Truth be told, I was embarrassed with the security guard coming in and I took it out on both of you. I should’ve let you talk. I should’ve talked to you privately. I am really sorry.”

Their expressions changed. They both apologized and explained what happened. We talked for a bit afterwards, but we were good. Their dignity was given back in front of their peers. All it took was for me to admit that I handled it wrong. I didn't condone their actions, but I severely mishandled the situation.

So, yeah, year 28 me sort of reverted to year one me. I had a bad day. But, the lesson here isn’t to condone that behavior or to go soft on kids. The lesson is that we teachers are not perfect and we will have days when we don’t handle things correctly. But, we can learn from them, do better in the future, and become the teacher we want to be. There will be fewer of those types of days as we gain experience.

We can show kids that even when we aren’t perfect, we can own those actions, feel bad for them, and genuinely apologize. Every teacher who truly cares will have more good days than bad. But, those bad days will stick to us. We must show kids that we, too, have them and must show them how to rebound from them. I am hopeful that I did that last week. And, I know if I am ever put in that situation again, I will handle it far better.